Of Pebbles and Pokes
You’ve probably heard the old metaphor about tossing a pebble into a pond. The pebble might be small, but it disrupts the water’s surface, sending ripples in every direction. The ripples travel far beyond the point of impact, sometimes reaching shores you can’t even see. They move around obstacles, over submerged objects, and they keep going until the energy dissipates.
Over my years of organizational leadership, mentoring, and coaching, I’ve come to recognize how often I’ve tossed my own pebbles into the lives and work of others. Sometimes I’ve done it deliberately; other times, it was incidental—a thought, an idea, a challenge, or a story shared almost in passing. But those pebbles often created ripples that influenced thinking, decisions, and even organizational cultures far beyond what I could see at the time.
The Many Shapes of a Pebble
Leadership pebbles don’t come in a one-size-fits-all form. I’ve noticed they generally take three distinct shapes:
The Provocative Question
An open-ended question designed to linger. It doesn’t prescribe action, but it reframes the way someone views a challenge. “What would change if we flipped our service model on its head?”The Reflective Observation
A subtle observation that sheds new light on existing habits or blind spots. “I’ve noticed that teams who document thoroughly tend to weather crises better.”The Story with an Unresolved Moral
A tale from my experience that holds a mirror up to the listener’s situation. I don’t always tie it up with a bow—I let them derive the meaning themselves. “Let me tell you about the company that waited too long to revisit their backup strategy...”
These pebbles are simple but strategic. They initiate thought, reflection, or even slow-building momentum.
When a Poke Becomes Necessary
But sometimes, ripples aren’t enough. Sometimes, the energy dissipates too soon, or the person I tossed the pebble to gets stuck. That’s when a poke is required.
A poke is my way of following up—checking whether the ripples reached shore or died in the middle of the pond. It’s a way of reactivating attention, commitment, or accountability.
Types of Pokes
The Gentle Reminder
For when someone just needs a nudge to remember their prior commitment. “Hey, you mentioned revisiting your client onboarding process—how’s that coming?”The Sharpened Prod
When inaction smells like complacency, my tone gets firmer. “You’ve talked about this initiative for months. What's really stopping you?”The Hard Truth Jab
When someone’s ambition is disconnected from reality, it’s time for blunt honesty. “You say you want to transform the culture, but unless the CEO is fully aligned, you’re setting yourself up to fail. What’s your plan for that conversation?”
The Prerequisites for Poking: Trust, Timing, and Permission
You can’t just poke anyone, anytime. For a poke to land well, three prerequisites must be in place:
Trust: Without trust, a poke feels like criticism. Trust turns a poke into care-in-action. People tolerate prodding from those they believe have their best interests at heart, who understand the terrain they’re navigating, and who are genuinely invested in their growth.
Timing: A well-timed poke aligns with readiness. Too soon and it feels pushy; too late and the moment is lost. Good timing means watching for signals of openness, patterns of avoidance, or moments of renewed commitment.
Permission: Some people explicitly ask for accountability. Others grant permission implicitly through their continued engagement and openness. Without this unspoken contract, any poke risks overstepping boundaries.
Your role also matters. If the person you’re poking works for you, or if you’re formally engaged as their coach with clear outcomes in mind, you’ll likely poke more assertively and more often. In contrast, when you’re acting as a mentor—or even as a peer—the poke often carries a softer touch, respecting their autonomy while still offering necessary nudges. Understanding this dynamic helps preserve the relational trust that makes pokes effective.
Why This Matters
Leadership isn't always about grand gestures or formal plans. Sometimes, the most enduring impact comes from a well-thrown pebble and a timely poke. Together, they create waves of progress, self-awareness, and organizational change.
Your Turn
So here’s my pebble for you: What conversation, suggestion, or story have you shared recently that might deserve a follow-up poke? Who in your world needs a nudge—whether gentle, sharp, or hard truth—to get moving again?
Don’t underestimate the power of small actions. And if you’re unsure where to start, maybe it’s time we had a conversation.
If you or your organization are ready for some 'pebble inspiration' or even some 'positive pokes,' get in touch. My firm specializes in leadership coaching and organizational health strategies that create lasting impact—one ripple and one poke at a time.